Why Do I Bother?

So far my husband, Jeff, hasn't read this blog.  He knows I have one.  I'm sure he's aware of the link to it that is always present on my link bar in Safari.  I just don't really think he cares to venture that far into "The Mind of Mandi".  :)   In light of the fact that Jeff will likely never read this and that there really aren't that many people who even look at my ramblings, I feel like this is a safe place to VENT for a few minutes.  I can't really vent to my friends about any marital frustrations because it's looked down upon.  This seems like a fairly private outlet.  

Here's the issue:  Once each week, usually on Saturday, I make the effort to plan something that we do as a family.  I always make it cheap and I try to make it something that has some potential for fun and memory-making with our beautiful son.  But Jeff doesn't really do special days, or special occasions for that matter, very well at all.  I think it's a difference in the way we were raised.  I can agree that these activities can sometimes require some effort and sometimes they don't go perfect.  However, it seems as far as attitudes are concerned, Jeff often takes the low road and it makes me want to SCREAM.  I am trying my best to make a fun day and it gets POOPED on with negativity.

Today is a prime example.  I planned an apple picking trip to Skytop Orchard in Flat Rock, NC.  Keep in mind that neither of us have ever been here, so I don't know any more than he does as far as what to do or what to expect.  We arrive and this place is gorgeous!  A huge orchard with about 30 types of apples right on the top of a mountain.  Our first decision was wether or not to take the stroller.  I thought it would be nice for Carter to walk around and use his new skills, so we don't take the stroller.  We get past the place where you pick up your baskets for picking and we can see that the terrain is VERY hilly and very huge.  Carter can't walk up and down the hills, so one of us has to carry his 24 pounds at all times.  I agree that it's kind of a drag, but we can do it.  Then, we get out into the trees and realize that we've come a little late in the season and most of the apples to be had are HIGH up in the trees.  So, Jeff has to go back to get this long stick with a wire attachment on the end that will fetch the apples from up high.  He also grabs a wagon to put our baskets on.  The wagon ends up being heavy and tough to drag up and down the steep heels.  And, the brake doesn't work on ours so you pretty much have to hang onto it at all times to keep it from rolling down the hills.  By this point, I can tell by the look on his face that he's ready to leave before we really get started.  I'm trying to be ultra positive to make up for things. 

Picture this:  there are rows and rows of apple trees stretching over hills.  There are signs at the beginning of each row telling what variety is in that row.  So, once you get back into a row, you have to go back to the beginning to find another type and some of the types are picked out.  I went onto their website and had some idea of the picked out ones, but I certainly had not memorized the list.  Apparently I should have and I should have known where they were all located at the orchard.  Jeff got frustrated that I didn't know this information.  When I tried to point at the rows where I thought we should go, he got frustrated because I POINTED WRONG.  I mean, c'mon now.  Pointing wrong? At this point you're just picking on me.

 We ended up picking 3 different kinds of apples that we'd talked about getting and then leaving before our baskets were full.  We paid for our apples and we got some caramel covered apple slices and some cider.  When we sat down at the picnic table, the yellow jackets were very attracted to our food.  There were three swimming in my cider and 1 on my caramel.  Jeff had had enough and we just threw the stuff in the trash and left.

I felt so let down.  This big trip that we've had planned for weeks turned into more work than anything.  Yes, it was tough, but I think it's possible to make the best of a bad situation.  

We get back in the car and Jeff acts completely fine, but my mood was pretty much shot.  All I could think was, "Why do I bother?"